4 Ways to Partner with Foster & Adoptive Families

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month and so a logical question kids ministry leaders may be asking is “how do I care for the foster/adopt families in my church?” 

It’s true that the Church, but more specifically, kids ministry leaders have the great responsibility and opportunity to partner with parents and care for the kids and families in the church. It is no different with families who are in the foster or adoption process, but supporting them often looks different.  

I listened to a podcast recently and the host was interviewing Jamie C. Finn about her new book Foster The Family and she said something that I find incredibly helpful when thinking about partnering with foster/adopt families. She said, “Foster care is not just about bringing a child into your home. It’s about bringing your family into another family”. (listen to the podcast here)

Coming alongside to champion foster families is not about just caring for the child or simply caring about the parents. You must have all three in mind: the parents, the child, and the birth family. 

I am not a foster parent myself, so I reached out to some of my favorite foster/adopt families to get their perspectives and hear from them on the many ways kids ministry leaders can support them as they open their homes and hearts to kids who need it most. 

Here are 4 things I learned about how kids ministry leaders can care for foster/adoptive families in your church. 

  1. Learn

    My friend Natalie told me that education is key. There is so much to learn about the worlds of foster care and adoption and it is ever changing so it is important to never stop learning. There are podcasts, blogs, and Instagram influencers definitely worth looking into to help educate you. One of the things I heard the most throughout my conversations with real foster parents is that it it is important to be informed about trauma care. Every child in the foster care system has experienced a level of trauma no matter their age. To have kids ministry staff and key leaders trained on how to best care for these kiddos would go a long way and could further impact the safe and welcoming environment you are working to create. There are trainings like TBRI (trust-based relational intervention training) and books like The Body Keeps the Score that can help further your education. You can also be on the lookout for certain trainings in your neighborhood that are run by other churches or community centers. Being informed about trauma care will help you make decisions around crafts you plan, movies you play, and language you use with the foster family in mind. Here are more practical ways you can take steps in educating yourself:

    • In addition to reading books and listening to podcasts, finding a trusted voice to ask questions to can be really helpful. Find someone who is involved as a foster parent or an advocate who feels comfortable answering your questions. It will help you learn, grow and better serve your families

    • If you are going to serve your families, you have to get to know them first. Do you have foster/adopt families in your ministry and don’t even know it? Getting to know your families and their stories is a great first step!   

    • Connect with a local Christian licensing agency or a biblically sound and trauma informed therapist to see how you can support them. Maybe you can open your building for events or trainings or simply learn from them.

  2. Honor

    With knowledge comes awareness and the ability to remember all types of families in your communication. How we communicate to kids and families matters and it is an important step to creating an environment that is welcoming and inviting. It is important to use language that honors the foster parents, foster children, and birth parents. Here is how you can get practical with honoring your families. 

    • Learn the appropriate language for drop off & pick up. Foster families may not use mom/dad or son/daughter. It is okay to ask and find out what would make the family feel comfortable at church. 

    • Certain holidays like mothers & fathers day should absolutely be celebrated! Those days hold both grief and joy for so many. You and your team of volunteers can acknowledge it and be aware that certain kids may not want to do a craft or poem that day. 

  3. Gather

    Assemble all the people! As a ministry leader, you want to rally the troops and make sure foster families in your ministry are surrounded by people to help them on the good days and the bad days. Work to create a community of people who can bring meals, offer to babysit, take older siblings for a playdate, and pick up groceries, the list is endless! Parenting can be lonely and isolating and when you are a foster parent the list of people that can care for your children is limited to fully approved adults so it is so important to surround these families with extra love and support. A few practical ways you can work on gathering people around foster families are: 

    • Create a volunteer team specifically for foster families. That team will get emailed with meal trains, prayer requests, and serving opportunities. To go a step further, encourage this team to go through the steps to get fully approved to care for foster kids so they can be called upon to babysit or jump in during an emergency situation.

    • Create a night of respite. Many churches offer a parent night out specifically for foster families. The volunteers are fully approved and ready to love on and care for the kids. This gives the parents an opportunity to go out on a date, go shopping, or simply go home and take a nap!  

    • Connect your families through a group chat or social media page. Connecting foster/adopt families to one another can provide such a great community and sense of belonging.

  4. Pray

    This one can almost go unsaid, but when talking to my friends, prayer came up over and over again. General prayers are always welcomed, but take it one step further and ask for specific prayer requests. I’ve received a few, “we need prayer now” text messages and it is always an honor to pray specifically for families right in the moment they need it most. Checking in often and asking for specific ways to pray is a simple but very impactful way to parter with foster/adopt families.

    It is always an honor to pray specifically for families right in the

    moment they need it most

    The last piece of feedback I heard a couple times throughout conversations was that foster/adopt parents love the idea of a commissioning service. Typically those are for missionaries going out to share the Gospel in a location. I can assure you that jumping into the foster care system is definitely a way of bringing light into a dark place and tangibly sharing the Gospel. What would it look like for you to commission foster/adopt families publicly in front of your church and give everyone the opportunity to join them in prayer? What a sweet moment to spend time praying for families who are making the decision to open their homes and hearts, the children who will endure hardships as they move homes, the birth parents, and even the judge and case workers.

    My hope is that we can all continue to learn and grow as we care for these families. It is no easy task to be a part of the foster care system and the church has to be a safe, welcoming, and supportive place to these families to belong.

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Partnering with Parents When You Don’t Know Where to Start