Leading Up & Finding Your Voice

For years I thought, if I only could get invited to this one meeting or if I could just be in the room when this decision is being made then people would value my voice and give me more *fill in the blank: budget, volunteers, staff. I found myself fighting feelings of frustration when I didn’t get that calendar invite or I heard things after the fact. I wanted to help make decisions. I wanted kids & families to be thought of when it came to church wide events and calendaring. I wanted people to value my voice. 

I was young and a woman in ministry, so being invited into decision making meetings did not happen very often. 

I was fighting so hard to get a seat at the table because I thought that having a seat at the table meant that my voice mattered. Through a series of events, hard conversations, and the kindness of God, I realized that those two are not the same and that I was fighting for the wrong thing.

Before we get into some practical steps, I want to acknowledge that sometimes staff dynamics are hard and messy. It is not always this easy. Sometimes leaders fail and sometimes leaders disappoint you. It is what happens when you work alongside humans. We all fall short and don’t lead, serve, and love the way that we should. So if your working environment is hurting you, go to Jesus and go find a Christian counselor. Find a space to talk about it and maybe it’s time to find a new job. 

So stop fighting for a seat at the table and learn how to lead up, trust the leadership, and be content right where God has you.

1. Don’t work against each other, work with each other. 

It is all too easy to have a you against me mentality with your co-workers. The Bible tells us that we are meant to be brothers and sisters in Christ and co-laborers together for the Gospel. It is not a competition for the biggest budget, most volunteers, and highest attended event–stop making it one. When one person succeeds in God’s Kingdom, we all succeed.

Practical Steps:
-Invite other staff members into what you are doing. Share stories, invite people to come visit on a Sunday morning, and celebrate what God is doing–together. 
-Before a big decision making meeting, talk to your boss. Be one step ahead. Name your goals, and wants for your ministry. No one can advocate for you and your ministry if you don’t speak up.

2. Honesty is always best.

Be honest with your boss, be honest with your co-workers, be honest with your teams, and be honest with yourself. Vulnerability is not a weakness. Honestly leads to deeper community and trust. Ministry is not a fake it until you make it career, because the truth is, you won’t make it.

Practical steps:
-Just share. If you are frustrated or hurt by something that happened, share it with your boss. Do not shove the frustration aside and do not gossip about it with your friends and other church goers.
-You can be a strong leader and feel emotion. It is important to remember that just because you share honestly, your circumstances may not change. You may not always get what you want.

I remember sharing with my own boss about my frustrations and deep desire to have more ownership and decision making power. I didn’t like being left out of decisions that impacted my ministry. Did he magically invite me to more meetings? Nope. Did he all of a sudden hand me more control and ownership? Nope. He did hear my frustrations with empathy and challenged me to trust him, the other pastors on staff, and the elders. He reminded that I am a part of a greater staff team that is all working together and that is is not all about me. He called me out on the sinful lie I was telling myself: my plan was the best plan and I had to be in control. Whoops! Being honest allowed my relationship with my boss to grow and my relationship and dependance on God to grow.

3. Trust, even when you don’t feel like it.

I’ll admit, this one is the hardest. I have had leaders who have hurt me and disappointed me. I have been in situations where trusting the Elders felt impossible. God has placed certain leaders in place for a specific season and we are to trust in His faithfulness. It is so much easier said that done.

You may be thinking, “Lauren, our leadership is doing everything wrong!” Well, I can’t speak to your currently situation as no two situations are the same, but I do believe that God is working all things for the good of those who love and follow Him. I will challenge you to think about why you feel that way. Are they not leading “correctly” because it’s not how you would lead? I get it, but just because you would do things differently, it doesn’t make your way the best way. Trust God and trust His plan—as hard as it may be.

Practical steps:
-One simple way to show trust is to be an encouraging voice and to support your leaders publicly and privately.

Satan loves to feed lies about our leadership, the leaders around us, and our ability to be content right where God has us. Don’t give in. That seat at the table doesn’t mean anything if you are not depending on God in all that you do. There will always be another seat, another meeting, another position. Focus on what is right in front of you today. Be a good steward of where God has placed you today.